Pain ain’t love. I am a domestic abuse survivor.
For years I thought about whether or not to tell my story during Domestic Violence Awareness Month but this year the Holy Spirit told me to release. Someone needs to hear this, so here it goes…
Behind my smile is a little lost girl with a whole lot of hurt. This story is much more difficult to tell even in comparison to my story of Breast Cancer Survival.
Having cancer wasn’t a choice, it just happened. Dealing with Domestic Violence can be viewed as one (a choice).
Around 2010 I met what I thought was a “nice guy” he was sweet, charming, and I thought I for sure had a winner. I felt like one of the happiest women in the world when I was with him. He was everything a woman could have asked for but as time progressed he slowly started drinking alcohol, becoming rude, unpredictable, and verbally abusive. When I would try to correct his language toward me, we would end up fighting like cats and dogs.
When he wasn’t drinking we had the best relationship ever. Some of his family members tried to warn me but I was a “fool in love” and it was hard to walk away. Plus, I felt like a lot of the fighting I helped start. As the year went by the fighting slowed down and things started to get better. We went to church together, work together, and we were trying to open a business together. When he asked me to marry him, we found a beautiful home to rent and things really seemed to be going well.
Through all of this, my relationship with God began to grow stronger and I wanted to make sure I was walking in His will. I started to ask Him (God) to show me the right direction, to give me a sign, and lead me to where I should go and be. Prior to moving in to our new home things were fine, the house was supposed to be our new beginning, we seemed to be on the right track. When I look back on things it seems as if the house had a curse on it.
We weren’t in the house a full month before things began to drastically change. He would start getting upset about small things and started verbally and mentally abusing me again. At this point I had given up on fighting, I had decided that I would rather leave him than to let my kids continue to see me go through this. The house was supposed to be the new beginning. I continued praying and hoping that things would get better.
One day we went out to celebrate all of our accomplishments thus far. We began to have a conversation about finances. I guess we didn’t see eye to eye on that, so I shut up and didn’t say anymore about it. I assumed he had time to reflect on our conversation during the ride home because while I was getting ready for bed the conversation came back up. I didn’t think the situation was that bad and of course, because I have a smart mouth we started going back and forth until he hit me.
The next thing I knew, I had picked up the closest thing to me and hit him back. I then ran to the next room. We used to fight until we bled then we would stop. This time I gave up but he didn’t. He went to the kitchen grabbed a knife and threatened to kill me. So I continued to fight trying to get loose. He started biting me all over my body, I kicked him and tried to get away. Then he hit me so hard I started seeing stars.
God is so good, all of our family had turned their backs on us because they were so tired of watching us fight. At this particular time, right as we were arguing, he called his sister to talk to her and told her we were going to need some help after he was done doing what he was about to do to me. At this point I was in the back of the home screaming and pleading with her to call my mama. I’m so glad she did. As the blood ran down my face my mama told him she was calling the police. By the time my mother arrived to my house she heard me screaming and saw that I was covered in blood. The man I loved was gone and had left me for dead.
I was rushed to the hospital where I received 11 stitches over my left eye. I had bit marks all over my body. I thank God he didn’t stab me to death. I put an order of protection out against him. I had to go back and forth to court because they kept giving me continuous. I couldn’t make my last court date because I was sick and the order of protection was dropped. I never pressed charges on this person because he has a family and children.
I left him to God to take care of my battles. I do not hate this man because he has mental issues that he isn’t ready to admit to. I thought I was the problem in the relationship. I found out that he did the same thing to women before and is still fighting women now. I tried to warn his current girlfriend, she didn’t listen. All I can do now is pray for her.
THAT’S MY STORY
I was one of the spokes women at the, “She Could Have Been Me” live event last year. I got the opportunity bond with like women who are domestic survivors. I got to meet a lot of women in the audience who are going through it or have come out of it.
I love speaking life into other women letting them know that no matter what life throws them, they have the God given tools within to overcome and make it. What the devil used to break me, God used it to bless me.